Just a quick Happy!

I was tutoring today, as usual. I was working on the ee sound. The boys were coming up with words like sleep, meet, and sheep. One of the boys was trying really hard to think of one more word so he could tie with the other boy. I say, "What's inside your shoes?" His head lifted up, he looked a me with a huge smile and proudly said, "Rubber!" The other boy got the answer feet, but I was laughing so hard we called it a tie and moved on to the ea sound. Meat, seat, teach....

Pearls of life

I have been working on setting new goals. Not New Year's resolutions but new goals for my life. I am happy to say many of the goals I have previously set in my life I have fulfilled or changed because I matured. I have married my soul-mate and I don't want to be a singer or a ballerina anymore. I have graduated a few times now. I received the greatest back-handed compliment last week, "Oh, you're one of those do-gooders." I like who I am but I know I am a work in progress so I am setting new goals I am calling my, "Pearls." I need you, my blog friends to support me, encourage me, and if you are inspired then join me.
My first pearl is to read more. But, I've decided life is too short to read bad books. So, I am only going to read fiction books that are recommended to me by close friends (Oprah doesn't count!). Reading does so much more for me mentally, physically and spiritually then watching tv. I am going to try to read one section of the newspaper each day too. My neighbor across the street thinks you're not an adult unless you read the newspaper and drink coffee every day. He'll be happy to see me picking up the newspapers in my driveway. Of course I am going to continue reading my Bible, it's the #1 Bestseller of all time.
My next pearl is to relax more. I've decided life is too short to clean my house all the time. So, I am going to scrapbook more, blog more, and chill with my hubby more. If you come over, just toss the old newspapers to the side, I am reading more! I started this a few weeks ago with Friday night Netflix night.
My next pearl is to be a tourist in my hometown. I am going to visit the places that tourists go, save some money in the process, and learn something. I may not have a lot of money but I am still going to see the world, even if it's just my corner of the woods.
I am going to look for the pearl inside each day. A teacher I am volunteering with this year has inspired and taught me to be more positive. It is really easy to see the bad behavior of my students and respond with yelling or punishment. I have learned that if I shower them with love, they eventually come around and love me back. Mutual respect is a satisfying feeling. I have also learned that I tend to become negative when I hang around people who are negative. I am going to try not to be a bird of a feather but rather a flamingo in the desert. There are pearls of wisdom, joy, learning, love in each day. Each day I just need to look for a pearl and expect to find one.

So what are the goals for your life? Have you made new ones as you have completed old ones?

To all my friends both real and virtual let me tell you what I don't want for Christmas. I don't want anything else I have to wash or dust. I don't want expensive gifts. I don't want gifts that contribute to the stress of the season. I want happy and relaxed friends. Friends who can sit at the table or computer with Christmas music wafting in their ears and hot chocolate warming their tummy. I want them to write a kind note or post. Thoughtful words that require no money, just time. This gift will fill your soul as it will fill my heart. When we fill our spirits with happy thoughts, kind words and warm memories we are truly honoring the true meaning of Christmas. I saw a church sign that said it best, "You can't take it with you, but you can send it ahead." Let that thought fill your mind today and I hope it turns into a special prayer for you.

Some advice for medical wives

I would like to share some wisdom I have gained over the last six months. This mostly speaks to the experience of medical wives but others can benefit as well. When the excitement of graduation and moving faded reality set it fast. Reality is a medical resident is never home. He or she will spend more hours at the hospital then there are hours in the day. A medical resident deals with several different supervisors (attendings) who may even change in the middle of a shift. Doctors also deal with life and death every day. Working in a hospital is a serious place, there is not such thing as casual Friday or let's go to lunch for so and so's birthday, there is no chit chatting around the water cooler. It is a high stress, high stakes, hard falls environment.

As a medical wife I had to get used to this reality. I had to get used to my husband being gone all the time. I had to get used to taking care of everything at the house as if I were a single person. I had to get over my resentfulness of the hospital and the patients that I felt were taking my husband. It is hard when you feel like you are not on the top of your husband's priority list. There were days when I did not see my husband for days, he get's home after I go to bed and leaves before I wake up, if he comes home at all. We had many minor squabbles for months. I resented having this beautiful new house to clean, do repairs on, pay bills on and never seem to get to enjoy. I resented having to remind my husband to call his mom, get a haircut, and sometimes even to get gas for his car.

Through all of these valleys my loneliness pushed me closer to my best friend, Jesus. Jesus helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel. Jesus helped me have new perspective. My husband was not choosing to be away from me, he was fulfilling God's call on his life. When my husband does come to the house it needs to be a safe place...home rather than a place where his nagging wife has a to-do list for him. Most importantly God has helped me see that I am a strong, confident woman who has her own life and a duty to fulfill her call too. So, I have a list of things I have learned over the first 6 months of being the wife of a doctor.

1. Surround your self with birds of a feather. Everyone thinks that being a doctor's wife is an easy life filled with library fundraisers, maids, and a large bank account. It is not. Find friend who understand that and you can spend time with. A great organizations is Side by Side, but if there is not one in your area, write down names and numbers at the orientation parties and get something together. You are not the only wife who is alone in a new place.

2. Live near the hospital. That house in the country may look pretty but not when you're driving home at 2:30am after a night in the ICU. Your husband will be driving at weird hours of the night with little to no sleep and lots on his mind. Also, when you go visit him on overnight call it will be closer for you as well.

3. Visit your husband where he is. I bring dinner (I make it or buy it) and bring a book and wait in the on call room until my husband is available. I may wait for several hours but 1) it shows him I care 2) I get to see him 3) he eats at least dinner 4) he gets something besides hospital food 5) I get to meet the doctors and nurses he works with and they see me as a real person. I have also been known to bring the staff cookies too. Seriously, make time to see your husband even if it means getting a babysitter for the night.

4) Pick a safe place to live and something you can handle. You will be home alone a lot. Pick a place you feel safe. Do not expect your husband to be able to mow the lawn or take out the trash. Make sure you pick a home you can manage. The last thing your husband wants or has a mind for when he comes home is a honey-do list.

5) Find new ways to communicate with your husband. Texting is great because it usually works in the hospital. Make sure you have your husband's pager number and do not give it out to friends and family members. Write notes and leave them in his pocket or write notes on the bathroom mirror with a dry erase marker. I also hide a blue stuffed bunny for him and he hides a pink one for me when we find it we call the other and tell where we found it and set it on the bed to be hid again. Sometimes it takes months for me to find my bunny but it always makes me smile. A good marriage is in the details, the tiny things you do for each other.

6) Make friends with your neighbors. Bake cookies for them (see my previous blog). Join a church and a Sunday School class. Start making friends as soon as residency begins. It takes a while to develop relationships. Don't skip church or a meeting with friends because your husband is home. Your husband wants some time alone at home too! Plus you need to maintain your life and your interests. People will understand if you can't make something once or twice but if you are always saying no than they'll stop inviting you.

7) Be ok with going solo. You will go solo a lot, to church, to the movies, to the grocery store. It is ok to go alone. Maintain a normal life and schedule and be extra happy when your husband gets to come along. Don't spend months looking for a church your husband will like. Find a church you love and your husband likes, a place where you can make friends and be comfortable alone. People will understand you husband can not come. Also, remember there are a lot of widows who love to have someone sick next to them at church.

8) Don't lose yourself. Make sure you have hobbies and things in life you are passionate about. Pursue your dreams, don't put them on hold for your husband's career. God has a plan for your life too. If you have children love them and take care of them but make sure your take time for yourself and your relationship with your husband. When dad comes home he should spend time with the kids but you get your alone time too. Don't use that alone time to get the bills paid and hang pictures. Use the time you have to reconnect and stay in love.

9) Love your husband. My husband would get home and if it wasn't time for bed he would literally veg out. Sometimes I felt ignored like I was just a housekeeper. I talked to him about it and that is where some of this advice has come from the reality of what works for us. Realize that he does not mean to only talk about diseases and procedures. It takes time to get that out of his head. Realize that he does love you (or he wouldn't have come home) but he is mentally and physically exhausted. Let him know you need to hear that he loves you.

10) Don't plan a surprise date night. He needs time to relax and decompress before he can shift from doctor to husband. Don't let him ignore and neglect your relationship either. Yes he has a demanding job and will for the next 50+ years, so work NOW on ways to redefine your marriage before your grow apart or have "irreconcilable differences." Find ways to share feelings when your not upset or angry. Don't be a drama queen every time you get to talk to your husband. The time you actually have together is precious so if you are angry about something write a note or send an e-mail. If it is not resolved that way find a time when you are calm and he is not exhausted to work it out.

These last few months I have had a lot of growing and changing pains. As I look behind me I feel grateful for all the obstacles I have overcome. Thanks to a loving God and my friendship with Jesus I am prospering in a new land. This year my motto is, bloom where you are planted. I finally feel like I am blooming, just as I watch the leaves from from the trees from the front porch of my brand new home. Leaves I guess I'll be raking.

Discouraged

So I have not blogged in a while because I feel like no one is reading this thing. No one except Lili who is the most wonderful, supportive real life and blogging friend. She comments no matter how big or small, she gives me the applause, the pat on the back, the "atta girl." Well, here is an attempt to get some response from you lazy bloggers... I watched Oprah today and she talked about the epidemic of rudeness. What is something that people do that you think is really rude? And have you ever done it yourself? I will post my answer after I receive 3 comments. I hope I am low balling.

Things you hear in school

Well, today was my first day back at school. I am spending a year as an Americorps Reading Tutor in an elementary school. Today I shadowed this awesome teacher. I already knew some of the huge difficulties teachers face but I saw some for real today. Like teachers have to buy their own paper for the copy machine (they get like 2 reams a month but photocopy homework every day for 17-20 kids!). Then I waited in line for 45 minutes to use the copy machine.
The teacher I shadowed today was a paragon of patience. She used her quiet voice and taught kids how to behave with her own actions. When she was frustrated she said, "Ok, I am sad and I am going to take a minute to calm down." She waited a minute or so and all the kids calmed down too, then she repeated her directions. One of the reasons I don't want to be a teacher is I have not mastered this patience yet (I am working on it). The teacher explained it to me later. She had read this book (I don't remember the title but can find out if you want it) about modeling behavior and responding to chaos rather than reacting to chaos. It made me think of Jesus' philosophy of teaching. He listened and cared for people whether it was one or a multitude. I mean people often came running to him in a panic telling him how so and so was sick or dying. The Bible doesn't say, "And Jesus was concerned, started barking out orders to his followers and ran to the scene, then yelled some special prayer and miraculously fixed the problem, then patted himself on the back." No most of the time Jesus was calm, soft-spoken or no spoken. Sometimes he just touched a person, some times he just listened. He always met the persons need in the situation.
Anyway, the opposite of this was one thing I did hear in school today when another teacher understandably lost her patience, "You know you are not supposed to do that! When we get back to the room you move your monkey down!" I covered my mouth so the children would not see me laughing. It reminded me of something I should have learned in Kindergarten: I should work every day to have the right attitude so my monkey, or smiley face, or whatever is up. So, where's your monkey today? If you have to move it down go spend some time with the Savior, he'll teach you how to keep it high!

Dawn and Dishes

I have experienced my first Hurricane. Now, to be fair it's tropical depression Hanna but it has caused me to reflect. I knew it was coming, the news has been telling us for days. High School football games were played one night earlier in anticipation. But as the clouds rolled in, the sky darkened, and the rain came pouring down, I felt like the weather, a tropical depression. I felt stuck in the house. My dog was going crazy. My husband is sick. There was no sunshine in my life. But I forced myself through this blue period by filling the time with house cleaning. This can be an endless task. So I felt bombarded with Mt. Washmore (laundry) and fed up with dishpan hands. I felt like there was no sunshine in my life, everything felt bland and dreary, like the weather outside.


Then I looked at the dish soap, "Dawn" and it dawned on me that I had forgotten about God today. I hadn't called him (pray), spent time with him (Bible study), or thanked him. So I began saying thank you, thank you for this house, thank you for the rain, thank you for a crazy dog as I washed the dishes. I would like to say the clouds broke and the sun came out, but it didn't. Slowly but surely I felt better, like putting on a clean shirt. I felt peace. Finally the rain stopped for a moment and I ran outside with my dog for a walk. But really it was a walk and talk with my Jesus. I sang praise songs with my ipod, felt the hurricane winds in my hair, and felt my blood moving around my body. I had a moment with the Holy Spirit. I realized the Spirit is always here waiting on me and I can worship during the most mundane tasks. I went back to finish the dishes thinking about this "Dawn" moment and just as my soap ran out I reached under the sink for another bottle and guess what I found "Joy."