There is a dead tree in my back yard...

There is a dead tree in my back yard. It is my fault, last year, we planted a dogwood tree in the corner of our yard. I had all the best intentions, but I forgot to water the tree. We don’t have a spigot back there and so I have to lug a bucket of water to the tree to be able to water it. That is one of my excuses. The rain watered the tree some, but it was a long, hot,dry summer. I have known for a while the tree was dead, I can see it from my living room, but I feel bad. I feel guilty. I feel like I failed to do such a simple thing, water this little tree. I need to go dig it up, that is the practical thing to do, but I feel bad, I feel like a failure. I know that it is just a tree, that it bears no ill feelings toward me, holds no grudges, but that dead tree reminds me of all the times I have made a promise or commitment and failed. That dead tree reminds me of so many times I have tried to do something and have fallen short, my best intentions sometimes haunt me like a graveyard of broken promises...the sewing machine I bought and never took out of the box...the birthday cards I bought but never sent...the recipe I downloaded but never made...the books I have never read...the people I have not called...the prayer time I have moved a thousand times. There is a dead tree in my back yard, all it needed was a little water, a little care, I know what I should’ve done, but I didn’t, and so this lifeless solitary branch stands in a corner of my back yard a visual reminder of how all I need sometimes is a little water, a little love, and the caring hands of my creator to give me life so I can bear fruit.

Jesus offers the Samaritan Woman living water, and we understand immediately, we hear Jesus say, “I will give you living water and you will never thirst again” and the very words, the idea refreshes our souls. As I was praying my way through this passage this week, God gave me a new insight to this story that I have read so many times. Worship is our living water. Worship in spirit and truth refreshes my weary soul.

There is a dead tree in my backyard.....It’s my fault, I planted this tree, but I forgot to water it.

I look at that dead tree from my living room window and sometimes I feel like that, dried up, not bearing fruit, just taking up space. It’s my fault I feel like that, sometimes I forget to go to the well for water for myself.

Sometimes I forget to worship in spirit and in truth.

Sometimes I forget to come to Jesus and ask for the Living Water. But today, I remember. Any day we can make sacred space at an appointed time, we can go to the well to meet the Messiah. Let us not forget to ask for the living the water. Let us open our hearts and offer ourselves as a living in sacrifice so we can worship in spirit and truth. Let us be trees that grow, flourish, and bear fruit.

There was this moment of possibility

There was this moment of possibility when I was daydreaming. I was daydreaming a response to a poignant question, "How will the world be different in three years because I am here?" Now, I brought this down a little smaller, "How will my community be different in three years because I am here?" This question is hard because at this time a year I think a lot about self improvement. I want to be a smaller size in three years. I want to drive a different car in three years. I want to have read more books in three years. I want to go to Ireland. It's easy to thing of how I want my world to be different in three years, but my community, that requires a bigger picture.

So, I daydreamed, and I invited the Holy Spirit to the daydream. Here is what I came up with. I want to know all of my neighbors on my street by name, and I want to know their birthday. I want to support local farmers and buy their goods and produce. I want people to know our church by its people and their good works rather than by its street address.

I daydreamed of going through my cookie cookbook and making a batch of cookies for each of my neighbors on their birthday. I daydreamed of farm families sitting around the dinner table with a little less worry that their hard work is producing enough for them to survive. I daydreamed of planting tulips and daffodils in our church neighbors yards this spring.

Daydreams are just that dreams. But dreams lead us, move us, propel us give us this moment of possibility.

I would love to hear your response, "How will your community be different in three years?"

There was this moment in the movie theater

There was this moment in the movie theater recently when I forgot I was in a movie theater. The movie took me away to another world. A world of imagination. This is when I know a movie is really good, when I become lost in the story. When I was younger, I used to get in trouble for daydreaming in class. The teacher thought I wasn't paying attention. They taught me not to daydream. As I have gotten older, I have learned to daydream again. Daydreaming is when I get my best ideas because I think of what is possible. Daydreaming is not practical, it is not cost effective, but it is productive. I have given myself permission to daydream and I feel so refreshed. Like sitting in a good movie, falling into a story, daydreaming lets you fall into possibility. So the next blog post will be called, "There was this moment of possibility..."

A Ten minute retreat

Today I got some good old-fashioned junk mail. You know, the unsolicited tangible pieces of paper that some company actually pays to send you. Most of the time, this junk mail goes straight to the recycle bin...but...this one had a phrase that spoke to my soul "Go on a retreat for 10 minutes." The line that followed said, "Escape to a spiritual retreat for just a moment each day." There is a picture of an empty adirondack chair waiting for me in a vast, lush, green meadow.

Is God waiting for me in that meadow? This junk mail caused me to dust off my devotional and my journal and give ten uninterrupted minutes to God. I did feel my soul sigh, my spirit renew, and just a moment of rejuvenation. I heard from God, thank you for keeping this appointment, please feel free to make another one. So, maybe this wasn't junk mail this time, maybe it was an appointment reminder card, you know like the one the dentist sends you. A card to remind me that I have missed too many appointments with God. A card to remind me that my chair in the meadow has been empty and I have been missed.

God is waiting for me in the meadow? in my living room? in my office? Ten minutes may not seem like a lot, but it is a gift to have, a gift to receive, and a gift I can give my Creator.

Soul Sister

God has been growing my heart by changing my definitions. Recently, I realized I found myself mentioning my best friend, frequently in conversation. We will call her Ariel. Whenever I mentioned Ariel, or share some of the wisdom or insight she had shared with me, I felt a warm spot on my heart. I realized more and more how much I trust this woman, how much I value her in my life, and how she is the best friend for which I have praying for many years. I still had not allowed my whole heart to be connected to hers because I am afraid of rejection, disappointment, and embarrassment, all emotions I have suffered through broken relationships. Whenever I found myself mentioning Ariel in a conversation, I added and explanation as to how she was connected to me. You know, like, "she is a friend of mine who I met here when we did this" etc. It was like I had to have a logical, explainable reason for her being in my life, that way if she left my life for any reason, I could have an explanation for her departure as well. A clean and simple relationship.

God has been opening my heart, helping me to be secure in who I am. I am a good friend, I am worthy of having good friends. This friend, whom I love like a sister, is a gift from God. She is not some casual acquaintance I happened to meet. She and I were brought by an all powerful being who knows our needs, and knows we need each other. So Ariel and I have connected on a deeper level, I have shared more with her than with any other and she understand me. She is a safe place to fall. This is the philia love, the brotherly (or in this case sisterly) love that has been missing from my life. I love my husband and he fulfills many of my needs, but not all. Sometimes you just need girl time! So, as I was praying for Ariel this week, God gave me a new word to describe our relationship...sister. She is my sister, not by blood, but in every other sense of the word. I no longer need to describe or explain our relationship to others. God has helped my heart heal and grow so that I have room for my new sister.

The Pastor's New Clothes

I have just finished one year as being an honest to goodness, commissioned, full-time pastor. I think I have just started feeling like a pastor. I have realized that since the first day I was introduced as their pastor, my church has looked at me as exactly that, their pastor. On the other hand it has taken me a little longer to get into realizing that I am a pastor. I remember the first time one of my members said "What do you think preacher?" I didn't realize he was talking to me. But, God has been working on me this summer. I guess I can say the robes are starting to fit. I don't freak out every week now about the sermon. I can give all of my parishioners communion by name. Oh and I know where all the clergy parking is at all the hospitals. But really I have learned more than that, when you answer the call, it is the people that God calls you to that makes you a great preacher. Now, if I could just get the nerve up to actually get my picture on the pastor wall, Glamour Shots here I come!

Summertime Siesta?

Well the days are longer but it is HOT. I think we should institute a summer siesta. After lunch, during the really hot part of the day, we should take naps. I have found naps can really refresh me and help me be more productive. I have found during the summer I am most productive in a cool air conditioned room in the evening. In the afternoon it is too hot to be productive. Now that I am a pastor I have this urge to relate everything to a biblical story. I have taken some time to research naps in the bible. Ok, I'll admit I just googled it, but David and Joseph had great visions in their dreams. Angels come to many biblical characters in their dreams like Saul and Joseph (Mary's husband, you know Jesus' step-dad). I did find it a little disturbing that asleep was a euphemism for death, so let me be sure to say clearly I am not advocating us not waking up, but rather just resting. And then of course when Jesus is praying in the garden of Gesthamane (spelling?) the disciples keep falling asleep and Jesus is not too happy with them. If they had only taken a nap earlier in the day they may have been able to stay awake and pray with Jesus when he asked them too. So, I think a summer siesta may be a good thing to do, we would need to plan it, bring our blankies to work, put a message on our voice mail, "It is too hot to work now, I am not away from my desk, I am under it taking a nice nap, I will get back to you when the mercury hits around 90 again, have a nice day!" So, are you willing to sign up for this summer siesta? Let me know your best napping experience.